Very few people don’t experience some trauma in their lifetimes, especially in South Africa where we have such high levels of poverty, crime, broken homes and domestic violence. And yet it’s not all about big trauma, sometimes the smaller trauma’s go unnoticed and have a habit of impacting us in ways we don’t even notice. When someone has experienced trauma – be it with “Big T” or a “Little t” – from their childhood or adulthood, the brain and body store that traumatic memory in many ways unless is it processed and worked through intentionally at the time either alone with the help of a professional . The problem is that stored trauma really affects how we show up, feel and behave in the world and can often be re-activated or triggered by present-day interactions, situations or events.
Even if you’ve not experienced “Big T” trauma, we have all experienced various “Little t” traumas that impact us in various ways personally and/or professionally. Sometimes in great big obvious ways that shake the very foundation of our lives, and sometimes in subtler ways such as perfectionism, workaholism, reactiveness, anger issues or lack of boundaries.
Past traumas can be diverse and range from truly horrific to seemingly inconsequential. The age of the event; AND the emotional, mental, and physical resources that the person had at the time of it greatly influence the experience of the trauma. For instance – the experience of a 5-year old toddler getting lost is very different to that of an adult in the same predicament. It will be experienced, remembered and processed completely differently.
I recently read a simple and well-explained article on exactly this by Melissa Hankins – an American psychiatrist and physician coach … here are a few excerpts from her article that I’d like to share with you…
“ A trauma response can take many forms and can look like:
- Yelling at someone for not doing something “fast enough” or “up to your standards.”
- Avoiding or not responding to a boss’s emails about scheduling an upcoming performance review.
- “Having to” do everything “perfectly,” otherwise you feel anxious or unsettled.
- Not setting boundaries around your time and energy because you’re worried about confrontation and upsetting the other person.
- Working endless hours without taking time for yourself or the things and people you enjoy because your job is your primary source and measure of your own self-worth and value.
When this happens, the person experiencing this re-activation is split-second processing (on a subconscious or unconscious level) the current event through the filter of their past trauma. This means that that person is, experiencing things as if they are right back in that previous circumstance of trauma. As a result, they are reacting (taking action)—emotionally, physically, and/or verbally—from that place of trauma.”
Melissa Hankins goes on to say “Does having a history of trauma (big or little) give a “free pass” for the present-day trauma reactions that involve the harming (physically, verbally, or emotionally) of another? No, of course not. It does, however, highlight the importance of understanding trauma and its many manifestations, and addressing it with effective trauma-informed approaches that address the emotional, physical (because we hold emotions in our body), and mental aspects of trauma.”
Addressing trauma is never an easy or comfortable experience and often one we avoid at all costs because, as we know, the human psyche is so good at avoiding pain! Whilst no one is suggesting you become an emotional cowboy, I do think it’s really important to notice how past trauma’s (both big and small) could be impacting you…
Recognise and make note of things you have yet to address or process. Think about ways in which your behaviour, self-limiting beliefs and thought-patterns are potentially associated with past trauma. And, if and when it is needed, be sure to work with a trauma-informed therapist, coach, or other trauma-informed specialist so that you may go forward feeling lighter, less burdened and less reactive.